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26 January 2008 @ 08:47 pm
God of Our Mothers  
Title: God of Our Mothers
Fandom: BBM
Rating: PG
Summary: canon dead!Jack oneshot. Ennis reflects on the passing of Jack's mother.
Word Count: 650

God of Our Mothers

He held her hand so tenderly, even while his heart was clenched. He knew he was losing the last thing he had; his daughters long-settled in their own lives and their lies about their daddy. She'd left instructions to find him should it come to this, after John Senior had passed. Knowing that left him speechless. He'd had her all along and never knew-- no, knew too late. She only woke in little flickers. Maybe he was glad his mama had never left like this. Mrs. Twists's old, cold words, "you come back now," echoed. She had meant them and he had nodded but hadn't listened, hadn't heeded, had been too drunk on his own self-pity to imagine that anyone would reach out to him, could need him.

That wife of Jack's-- she's most likely knew. Alma knew. Mrs. Twist here was the last that knew and didn't hate Ennis. It was a short list to be certain: son, and then mother. Now both were gonna be gone.

Ennis felt laid as low as ever, like he was losing Jack again for the first time, 'cause the last person that saw him maybe like he was, or how he wanted to be seen, or how Jack woulda wanted him to be seen, was leaving the world. After this day there wouldn't be anyone who could say, 'This is Ennis del Mar and he loved Jack Twist.' He felt like he was being kicked when he was already down. With his free hand, Ennis swiped at the couple of hot falling tears making themselves known.

But maybe when Mrs. Twist passed on, she would see Jack. Jack had always loved his mama dearly, and it brought him some kind of peace to imagine that Jack would get something out of this awful day. In fact, he had to believe it, not to just hope it, because life had been too hard on Ennis to make him believe in the Bible of his mama the way he should have, but he found he couldn't believe that people who were so much, carried so many things inside of them, could just stop to be. Where would all those things go? That didn't make sense.

He didn't know if she could hear him, but leaned down close to her ear to say, "Uh, Mrs. Twist? I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Could you-- when you get to wherever it is that you're goin' and if you see Jack there, could you tell him--" Ennis's throat closed up and he choked on his own tears. He never did get any further than that.

She passed that evening while he and her friend Mrs. Boxcroft were eating a quiet dinner.

"How did you come to know Catherine, now?"

"I was a-- a friend of the family's, back when her son was alive."

"Ah, yeah, Jack," she nodded. "That was untimely. But I always did wonder about him. I mean," she paused, "I worried he wasn't living like the Lord wanted. I think he drank a good bit when he was here. The Bible says, 'the wages of sin is death'. Still, a pity."

Ennis's stony eyes and hollow heart passed once over this woman who went about judging folks she didn't know. He answered, "Doubt Jack's mama was no sinner."

They talked no more and finished the meal in uncomfortable silence until Ennis went up after dinner to find Mrs. Twist had already gone. He didn't have more sorrow left to spend. Mrs. Boxcroft made the arrangements, and Ennis went home to his rented trailer on the wind-scathed plain.

It could be, he thought, that those as may be looking over him would put in a good word with his mama's God. At the end he hadn't judged no one but himself, and he couldn't feel hatred for the people who never came to understand. Mrs. Twist had understood, and one was enough.
Tags: ,
Current Location: St. Paul, MN
Current Mood: discontentsomber
judy_blue_catjudy_blue_cat on January 27th, 2008 03:22 am (UTC)
Ah, Jess, this is so beautiful! And I bet she will see Jack and tell him what Ennis was unable to say, when she gets where she's going. Not that Jack doesn't know it already, but Ennis's attempt to say it will bring him comfort.

I wonder why we envision the inhabitants of the afterlife as knowing what we are doing when we don't know what they are doing. It's possible that the lack of knowledge goes in both directions.

Thank you so much, for having written and for continuing to write.
Bloody Jack Flint: InuYasha in a Tree Hushrhye on January 27th, 2008 04:50 am (UTC)
You have a wonderful philosophical question there. I guess it's because God is envisioned as being all-seeing, we think that those in His kingdom must somehow have access to that window as well? Or maybe the stereotypical 'people peering over the edge of clouds'? I don't recall any Biblical quotes to support the concept. But it's probably a sort of comfort to those who need it: that the person is there with them, and the things they say to the deceased don't go unheard.

You're very welcome. Writing is a chronic disease and I don't think I'd do to well getting rid of it.
bmshirts: pic#63198959bmshirts on January 27th, 2008 03:25 am (UTC)
God Of Our Mothers
A nice, but sad, tale. Ennis being there for Jack's mother as he hadn't been for Jack. Now they will be waiting for him to join them when it's time. Thank you for this. Carole
Bloody Jack Flint: InuYasha in a Tree Hushrhye on January 27th, 2008 04:50 am (UTC)
Re: God Of Our Mothers
You're welcome :)
(Deleted comment)
Bloody Jack Flint: InuYasha in a Tree Hushrhye on January 27th, 2008 04:52 am (UTC)
Oh dear ***hugs*** You're welcome.
fizzerbassfizzerbass on January 27th, 2008 03:34 am (UTC)
This is wonderful, Jess. I especially liked this:

After this day there wouldn't be anyone who could say, 'This is Ennis del Mar and he loved Jack Twist.'

Also, welcome back. I've missed your writings and your musings.

Thanks for sharing this,
Bloody Jack Flint: InuYasha in a Tree Hushrhye on January 27th, 2008 04:55 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you :) I've been here all along, I just haven't been posting canon one-shots. I've even been writing them (and everything, a LOT), but not posting. And it was very unfortunate events that brought me back to the forum :(
testa_duratesta_dura on January 27th, 2008 03:58 am (UTC)
This was so layered and packed such a punch that I should wait until I've absorbed it and can make a worthy comment but no - being me I'll just rush in and say I loved it.

Bloody Jack Flint: InuYasha in a Tree Hushrhye on January 27th, 2008 04:55 am (UTC)
You flatter me! Thank you *hugs*
my_lil_darlinmy_lil_darlin on January 27th, 2008 04:03 am (UTC)
How unique! I loved this. Your Ennis was very wise in this little story. He saw through that phony crap so many people let rule their lives, and he was grateful for what little grace and understanding he could get from anyone in this hard world. This was especially poignant ***After this day there wouldn't be anyone who could say, 'This is Ennis del Mar and he loved Jack Twist.'*** That says it all.
Bloody Jack Flint: InuYasha in a Tree Hushrhye on January 27th, 2008 04:56 am (UTC)
Mmm. I do think Ennis is much wiser than we often realize, especially after Jack's death. Thank you for commenting.
Alex Leert_in_town on January 27th, 2008 04:11 am (UTC)
Jess, what a beautiful meditation on grief and loss, seen through the lenses of such a uniquely chosen moment. What indeed might Ennis have felt, knowing that the last person who shared his secret had passed on?

Such a pity that Ennis wasn't able to tell Jack's mother what he wanted to say either.

I'm glad to know you're still writing BBM fic in these sad times.
Bloody Jack Flint: InuYasha in a Tree Hushrhye on January 27th, 2008 04:58 am (UTC)
what a beautiful meditation on grief and loss

Thanks, that's really what it was. I have been doing a lot of meditating on these emotions... It actually came out of listening to too many songs about losing loved ones, wondering what it would be like to be the last one left pulling such a blessed secret along. We're very lucky to have a community to ease our grief through, I think.

If anything, I'm writing more just now :( My wrist does not thank me.
torry28torry28 on January 27th, 2008 04:14 am (UTC)
Hi Jessi,
Glad you back , it's a sad story yet,not because Ennis did come back to be with Jacks mama the only one left who understood him. I'm sure she'll give
Jack the message that Ennis loves him even though he didn't say the words, but words are really not needed. Jack always knew.
Thank you
jennastsjennasts on January 27th, 2008 04:32 am (UTC)
What a beautiful concept! And so well executed. Thank you for writing and sharing this with us, Jess.
bbm_lover on January 27th, 2008 07:29 am (UTC)
Oh Jess, that was heartbreaking for Ennis. His last connection to Jack is now gone. I believe that those who we love and who loves us live on. Love the way you write and hope to see more. Thanks for writing this.
sweetjesweetje on January 27th, 2008 07:41 am (UTC)
I'm sure that Jack and his mama are now happy together again in Heaven, because I know that's where Jack is.
Very nice story. Thank you.
chapeaugris on January 27th, 2008 09:38 am (UTC)
For some people, just having one person in their life who understands them makes all the difference.

I thought about Jackie, too, when I read this. Thanks for posting this.
Teritmn1966 on January 27th, 2008 09:45 am (UTC)
How beautiful! Thank you for this. I love that Jack's mom gave Ennis comfort in her final moments. It's nice to think that Jack and his mama together again, talking about Ennis, waiting for him to join them.

Thank you for sharing this.

el_wingel_wing on January 27th, 2008 01:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for sharing this.

"At the end he hadn't judged no one but himself, and he couldn't feel hatred for the people who never came to understand."

Yes, I wish everyone could be like this.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing...

landofthedragonlandofthedragon on January 27th, 2008 06:43 pm (UTC)
So moving and beautifully written and so sad that Ennis is still all alone his daughters settled with lives of their own. Mrs Twist Ennis's last living link to Jack leaving him as well, still haunted by the things he never said to Jack. I love you're persceptive story that rings of truth in so many ways.

Love you're writing Jess. L
★Mella★schlopki on January 27th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
this is very beautiful jess, thank you for sharing ♥
elena_62elena_62 on January 30th, 2008 11:34 pm (UTC)
Jess, this was awesome!

But shall I thank you for making me cry? Well, yes, I suppose when feelings surface it's always good. And somehow it' healing.

Thank you very much!