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29 May 2011 @ 08:25 pm
Hogwarts Is Home  
Sit Back and Hear A Story

It's difficult to describe the cascade of events that led to my leaving hogwartsishome, because each event really did influence the one after it.

0. For whatever reason-- I can't quite recall when it started but it was at least two years ago-- the mods got a bit strange towards me. This started about the time Sas started participating in the community. At first I put it down to simple house rivalry, but little remarks were made here or there that made me feel like I'd done something wrong. For instance, I was told that I might have been chosen as a minimod except that I couldn't be counted on to be unbiased. Little things like this continued to plague me; locked LJ and Twitter conversations were sometimes brought up by the HiH mods in discussion of certain issues; when I complained about the behavior of other members I was frequently told I was the one in the wrong; comments I made criticizing mod decisions were treated as hostile. Overall I got the distinct feeling that I was considered by the mods to be a troublemaker. I know other Gryffindors had the same impressions because people have mentioned it to me that they think the mods are hostile against me. I didn't let it bother me too much because the people that knew me knew several things about me: that I speak my mind proudly but always with the best of intentions, that I don't purposely break rules, and that I am fair and would be the first one to report it if I knew a member of my own house was cheating. Many times Gryffindors have told me that they reconsidered their actions because they knew I wouldn't find it funny when they started wank, and I wouldn't think they were clever for cheating.

1. When I was prefect, etacanis and chispas and I had a huge argument over Twitter. I was prefect at the time, and it was wrong of me. I received a strike, about which I did not argue, and I apologized to Emily and Jay. I resolved to do better, and I hope that I did. Emily, Jay, and I are now friends.

2. In late April, I was in Gryff chat with a few people and we were discussing the uselessness of hh_writersblock. We ended up with a laundry list of ways to improve it. serendipity513 and I-- both participants in this discussion-- decided to put in a joint application. This application won by just one vote, and that vote was from pointblankdarcy, the incumbent. Nevertheless, serendipity513 and I took it as a referendum on how hh_writersblock is currently run and we were excited to revamp the community.

3. In early May, serendipity513 submitted an activity for hh_writersblock into The System. She then went to the U.K. for her birthday and I promised her I'd take care of things while she was gone. I noticed that this activity was under "needs clarification" and I e-mailed our mini-mod to see whether I could provide this clarification, as Katy was out of the country. To be clear, my e-mail about this was literally 2 sentences long.

4. I waited days for a response, and didn't get one. When I inquired about it, I was told that the mods hadn't had time to read it. Two sentences. So clearly this was a high priority.

5. Two days later, I receive a response regarding the activity: the activity had a word limit and not a time limit and this was the issue because hh_writersblock is entirely about writing with time limits, not word limits. The focus on time limits was exactly what serendipity513 and I were trying to get away from in revamping the community, but we were informed that all activities, whether social or points-earning, had to involve time limits.

6. I said nothing about this. I sent back an e-mail saying "That's fine, how does a ten minute time limit sound?" We had previously had a 200-word limit, so a 10-minute time limit seemed reasonable to me because most people can easily write 200 words in 10 minutes.

7. I received a reply that the mods would like a 20 minute time limit. These fics would be awarded 10 points for participation only. I did have a problem with this. Why? In 20 minutes, a mediocre typist can write 600 words, and 600 words would earn 20 points at hh_sugarquill, and 30 points if written for a prompt and both bonus items were owned at hh_writersblock. Therefore awarding 10 points for 20-30 points' worth of work seemed unfair to me. I suppose I ought to have just silently agreed to the 20 minute guideline in retrospect, but from a logical and mathematical standpoint it doesn't make any sense to me. Why wouldn't writers simply post their responses at hh_sugarquill instead? This was the question I posed to the mods in my response.

8. I received a further response along the lines of (I really wish I still had this e-mail so I could quote it, because it was really quite rude) 'We're not talking about hh_sugarquill so why does it matter to you how many points fic get there? You clearly are only interested in members earning more points, not in improving anyone's writing.' I thought I had been polite in all my e-mails to the mods, so this blatant attack against me was quite upsetting to me.

9. serendipity513 returned from her vacation, so I summarized everything that had happened to her and told her that I refused to have any more contact with the head mods. I advised that we simply delete the activity and forget any idea of reinventing hh_writersblock, because the mods were clearly against it. She was upset at the mod response also, and we sunk back into the status quo, disheartened.

9.5 About this time, an alignment test was posted in hogwartsishome. I got 'neutral neutral', made a snide joke about being in the same box with Snape, and took another test that gave me neutral good. Within a couple hours, awry had posted a comments-disabled post on her LJ which basically said "I am tired of all the Snape hate. If I picked on your favorite character, you would be really angry." There is no doubt in my mind that this entire post was aimed at me. I was able to mostly brush this off.

10. Two days later or so princessbloomy had a disagreement with the Flourish mods. I was 100% not involved in this. I didn't see princessbloomy's original post to hogwartsishome, but I did see the 'You must respect the mods' post that followed it. I worried that this post was directed at me because of the stuff with hh_writersblock, but my Twitter feed brought me up to speed on the situation, so I breathed a sigh of relief.

11. About that same time, I was stressing about how few orders my catalog had at hh_flourish. I was discussing this openly with hh_flourish moderator awry on Twitter and on LJ. She was giving me ideas for tags. Some other people got involved in the conversation on Twitter and said they would order from my shop to boost my orders, and I asked them not to. My exact words were something along the lines of "I don't want pity orders."

12. The very next day, a post is made to the Flourish shop owners' community about not advertising that you need more orders in your shop. My (screened) response to this post said that I believed the post was aimed at me, and asked in the future that if I break any rules I be told privately as opposed to called out publicly. I said I probably need to be informed if something brought up in a mod post pertains to me, because I generally assume that such posts are not about me. I hear back from the mods that the post was not about me, but that I should refrain from discussing my catalog over Twitter. I was also assured that if I did anything wrong, I would be informed personally.

13. Two days later, another mod post went up for flourish shop owners, this one restricting fonts to 8pt or larger. I read it and I said, both to myself and over Twitter, that I felt I could ignore it since the mods hadn't come to me personally about this. (Recall that two days earlier, the mods had assured me that if there were any issues with my shop etc. they would come to me personally.)

14. The rest is kind of Twitter history. awry got mad at my comment, thinking I was essentially saying that I think I can ignore the mods. She confronted me over Twitter, but prior to confronting me, she Tweeted ABOUT me, saying "Some people think the world revolves around them." Recall that I had just two days prior asked to be explicitly and privately told as opposed to publicly scolded for any rules violations I might accidentally make, and I had been assured that I would be extended this courtesy. Yeah, I flipped out. And I don't mean I got angry. I mean I got more angry than I have been in easily five years. I literally, like, lost my mind. I threw our entire drum set across the room, and threw my keyboard against the wall. I kicked the wall and further injured my sprained foot, and I didn't even feel it. (Note: I later discovered that awry was not involved in the conversation detailed in item 12, but I did not know this at this time.)

15. I don't want to make excuses for my behavior. I'm an adult and I should be able to manage my emotions, but it's important to note at this juncture that I am 4 months pregnant, and I am bipolar, and I have been off my mood stabilizers-- thanks to the pregnancy-- for about 9 months. I have been and clearly am currently manic. It's not an excuse for my behavior, but it is a reason I felt emotions-- and emotional extremes-- that I haven't felt in years.

16. awry was given credit for not responding to me after I started calling her names on Twitter. This is unfair, because I blocked her before I started calling her names on Twitter. Therefore she was both unable to respond and unable to see those Tweets. Would it have been better to not call her names at all? Of course, I'm not arguing that. My behavior was inexcusable, but I also wasn't really in any sort of control of myself at that moment, so I refuse to judge myself too harshly for something that, were I in my right mind, I wouldn't have done. For instance, see item 9.5, which I was able to let pass.

17. awry went to the main mods, and they delivered this punishment to me: 100 point deduction, strike 2, and I have to close my hh_flourish shop for seven months. They cited not just the Twitter argument with awry, but they also recalled that I'd been reprimanded for this problem before (see item 1) and that I've have a 'bad attitude' around HiH recently (I believe this is in reference to items 7 and 8, otherwise I have no idea what it is about). There's no denying that this punishment was severe, but this punishment was not why I left hogwartsishome, not really.

18. Why did I leave hogwartsishome? When it comes down to it, I left because it doesn't matter how hard I work or how much passion I pour into my activities there, it's clear that the main mods will not ever respect me. I don't work for their respect, but it would be nice to have it. I don't know whether they were hoping I would leave by giving me this extreme punishment. It's been suggested elsewhere that this was their goal, but I don't want to speculate on this. The point is that the mods' post about how you have to respect the mods clearly does not extend to them with regards to mods of their sub-communities or even their members. If I began to list the instances of disrespect the main mods have shown the subsidiaries' mods and the membership at large, we could be here all day, and I'm fairly certain that many other members could likewise provide examples. I'm simply tired of being disrespected despite the amount of work I put into it. I wasn't being disrespected by the members-- who are constantly being accused of being disrespectful by the head mods. Most of the disrespect I have experienced in my entire time at HiH came from the head mods. That's not to say there are not and have not been brilliant mods at HiH, with good leadership and managerial skills and great intentions. I have certainly been shown respect by many individual moderators. The head mod team as a whole always seems to 'have it out' for me (which does make me wonder if it is just Sas, since this started before there even were minimods), and I'm tired of trying to improve the community while being accused of things like house bias and points-mongering. I'm tired of not being able to openly criticize the moderators without being labeled a 'troublemaker'. So now that I am not a member, let me give you some insight on some of the things that I think are wrong with hogwartsishome. There are billions of minor problems-- just as any government has billions of minor problems that people strive every day to correct-- but these are two major problems, and they are related.

ONE: Initiative and Creativity are Undesired in the Moderators of Subcommunities
You are a moderator of a community. You have great ideas of how it could improve. You have polled the members, and gotten their feedback on these ideas, and it has been overwhelmingly positive. You are now ready to proceed with enacting these changes. Your community will evolve and improve, and you will attract new members.

At HiH? Not so. Now you have to write a proposal to the head moderators, who, as a body, oppose most change. They are likely to approve at best half of your ideas, and they will put limits on those they do approve. They give no rationale behind these provisions, and they are sometimes nonsensical. They sometimes run counter to the public opinion of the membership of the community.

Now, you are forced to abide by the head mods. Your members wonder why the changes they were polled about don't ever happen. They begin to think you are incompetent or lazy. Can you tell them, 'The head mods rejected your ideas, sorry guys.' No. That will get you in trouble with the head mods, who would prefer not to take responsibility for their unpopular decisions.

You have become, in essence, a computer. You enforce the rules, you tally the points, and in some communities you provide writing or graphics prompts-- but you can't even provide a prompt without the explicit approval of the mods. I ran the HiH icon contest for something like 5 terms, and we had to get our prompts approved every week. Granted, in all that time I never had a prompt rejected, but it's a bit demeaning to be like "Can the prompt be 'smile'? The members would have to submit an icon of someone smiling" like you're a five year old that can't be trusted to run a community.

If the mods want someone to blindly and unquestioningly enforce their decisions, to not ever be creative or think of new ways to improve the community, to never take the initiative to make a positive change without having to run it by the mods, and to submit their points on time, program a computer to do it. You have 20 or so brilliant and creative and committed people willing to run these communities and you are squandering this resource. I've heard it from moderators all over HiH-- they can't so much as add a tiny rule without running it by the head mods, and as a mod, this is frustrating.

If our ideas, as mods, don't matter, why are there even elections? We are judged and voted on based on ideas that will never ever be enacted. Why don't the head mods just appoint well-behaving people to mod positions and be done with it?

TWO: This Ship is Too Large to Steer

I believe it was Jon Stewart who likened the U.S. government to a ship that simply has too much momentum and is too big that it cannot be effectively steered. Red tape is so ridiculous that actually enacting a law will take half a decade. In our increasingly electronic world, 5 years is too long to wait to enact a piece of crucial legislation. For instance, music theft is a major issue, but one which the government has been sluggish to legislate, especially compared to the rate at which music pirates can adapt and evolve to counteract the legislation. Music pirates are swift. They travel near the speed of light, limited by network speeds and typing and coding speeds. Legislation is far too slow to meaningfully curb to this criminal subculture.

HiH suffers from this same problem. For example, I was awarded the music club several months ago. I immediately applied for a second bonus item-- bagpipes, which would cost very little and be worth 5 bonus points. The clubs mods approved this. It then went onto the head mods, who approved it. It then went on to the Diagon mod who decided that the shops needed to be reorganized in order to accommodate this item. She had to go to the head mods for approval of this. She had this approval, and I was asked to provide a picture of the item, which I did. Then, the new term started, half the mods involved were replaced, and I have no update on the status of this bonus item. Three months have passed and Music Club still does not have its second bonus item.

One person with access to the System and Diagon could have uploaded and enacted this bonus item in ten minutes, and most of that time would have been spent on Google Images searching for a good picture of a bagpipe.

At what point do we say 'enough is enough'? HiH needs to stop getting approval to get things done and simply do things instead. As you can see, the emphasis this concept puts on initiative feeds directly back into the first issue.

This post isn't meant to cause wank. It is just one persons' perspective of what happened and of the community. I've seen a lot of speculation in places about what happened, and some of it is correct, some of it is not.

This post is not meant to bash HiH. I think the members are awesome, and I love and respect the head mods-- past and present-- as individuals. If I felt HiH was beyond change or repair, I wouldn't waste the time thinking about or writing about its imperfections. I feel that speaking as an ex-member is the only way I can 'safely' speak. I hope these thoughts prove of some use to current and future members and mods. My intention by posting this is to be an agent acting towards positive change in a community towards which I gave three years of my time.

I also do believe that the head mods do have and have always had the best interests of the community at heart. They're not bad people. I do think things look very different from their perspective than they do from ours. This is probably the cause of many disagreements that the membership has with the mods. The mods have always-- at least with regards to me-- been very defensive in the face of criticism. I'm sure they have a perspective I don't have, but at the same time I think I have a perspective that they don't have, and I don't think my perspective is any more or less valuable just by virtue of being different from theirs. Similarly, your perspective, as a member, ex-member, or prospective member, is also important. I feel that the mods too frequently discount these other perspectives with the argument 'we see the big picture, you don't'. That maybe true, but I can see the little picture. Can they?

Current Location: St. Paul, MN
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Star Trek: Generations
Cap'n Shebang~etacanis on May 30th, 2011 01:46 am (UTC)
This post is A+, bb. It's like, nearly 4 am so I can't even begin to comment on everything but there are a few things~

In regards to one, I think I've apologized to you before but just in case I haven't, I am so sorry for the way I acted too. It never had to be an argument and I don't doubt I sat there being an ass and riling things up. I'm glad we've moved on and you can call me a friend ♥

I've said often enough recently how I feel, but in the end it comes down to the fact I agree with a lot of what you said. I understand the mods are busy and have lives. I respect all the work they put in. Just prefecting is enough to give me a headache most days. But there are always going to be problems, people are always going to disagree, and I'm always going to think something could be run better a different way. That's a human thing and I dislike anyone who suggests I, or anyone else, should just go along with what people decide is best for me (lol we have been there, you know how well I react to being told shit).

SO YEAH. In short, mte, this is an amazing post etc ♥

Also, congratulations and good luck on your pregnancy bb ♥
Cap'n Shebang~etacanis on May 30th, 2011 01:49 am (UTC)

Gryffindor misses you ♥
(no subject) - rhye on May 30th, 2011 06:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Mr. Gerbearomfgerbear on May 30th, 2011 02:02 am (UTC)
This is a very classy, well thought-out post, and, honestly, I agree with pretty much every point on this thing. Modding on HiH has become more tiring and excruciating than fun, and I've had enough of it, really. :( Partly why I left the Transfiguration Club haha. They expect me to run two activities a month since I'm on probation... and my second activities for the month aren't approved on time for me to run them. :| (Which is my fault, really, but still.)

*HUG* You don't deserve to stress over this, bb. Just try to relax and unwind without HiH. Still, even if you aren't a member there, you've still got a ton of friends from HiH who would gladly give you support.
Bloody Jack Flint: Holmes & Watson Shipyardrhye on May 30th, 2011 06:46 am (UTC)
And I think being a club leader gives you more autonomy and freedom than being a moderator, so it only gets worse (less freedom/autonomy) with increasing levels of responsibility. Which is, coincidentally, exactly the opposite of how most hierarchical social models work (increased responsibility = increased autonomy).

I'm not stressed over it really. I did lose sleep the last couple of nights composing the second half of this post in my head, but I think it makes me feel better to get it out.

Thanks so much for commenting ♥ It's greatly appreciated.
DhP, Mmailliw Nosreyemmmailliw on May 30th, 2011 02:04 am (UTC)
Things like this are why I ALWAYS respect what you have to say even when I disagree with most of your positions - and a lot of what you have to say makes sense!

PS I guess this means that my old notion of 1 pt = 1 minute is officially dead?
Bloody Jack Flint: Freddie Blue Hushrhye on May 30th, 2011 02:08 am (UTC)
I thought the readjusting of points a couple years ago or whenever that was was aimed specifically at restoring points parity between the different subcommunities, which is part of why I was really shocked at the harsh response to my suggestion that we try to maintain points parity between writersblock and sugarquill. I feel the head mods are smart people, so I'm surprised at how they viewed this suggestion.
(no subject) - mmailliw on May 30th, 2011 06:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rhye on May 30th, 2011 06:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
{the resistance}: Fashion- wild and freenike_of_athens on May 30th, 2011 02:07 am (UTC)

I've ~disliked~ HiH for a very long time due to most of the things you've mentioned (and similar episodes of 'hostilities' that have happened elsewhere). As someone who has been nearly completely out of the moderation loop (except for those couple of terms as a Ward Attending), seeing the way in which decisions are made and enforced have become so ridiculous that it makes me not even want to do anything in the community for fear of personal reprisals. I've had to delete my common room members (and most other HiH people) from my Twitter because of this - I am a naturally paranoid person anyways, and I have enough real life, this-shit-is-for-real stress in my life to deal with. I don't need extra stress from an online entertainment outlet that is supposed to exist for the fun and enjoyment of its members.

You should have seen the fallout that happened after I bought points for Gryffindor House one term because I wanted to do something nice for Gryff due to their being really awesome about House Unity. You would have thought I was trying to overthrow the CR - I got numerous rude and tactless PMs from my prefects asking me why I was supporting Gryffindor. I was flabbergasted - i wasn't aware it was ~against the rules~ to actually do something nice for another House instead of just making banners and talking about how the Houses should be more united.

tl;dr, good post, bb. <3
Ellie: dw → stole a time lorderzsebet on May 30th, 2011 02:16 am (UTC)
You should have seen the fallout that happened after I bought points for Gryffindor House one term because I wanted to do something nice for Gryff due to their being really awesome about House Unity.

I remember that. I felt so bad about that happening to you - especially since it was probably because of our house making the public thank you post for you. D:
(no subject) - dalmasca on May 30th, 2011 02:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jessilestrange on May 30th, 2011 05:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ledbylove on May 30th, 2011 06:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rhye on May 30th, 2011 06:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
Ellie: mer → this is destinyerzsebet on May 30th, 2011 02:13 am (UTC)
This should ALL be sent to the mods because seriously. If members are feeling uncomfortable going to them with suggestions and issues (which obviously I can't speak for anyone but myself - but I'm a pretty damn outspoken person and I have had these thoughts for a long time now and been too cowardly to bring it to the mods for fear of retaliation).

Gryffindor feels strange without you. So so strange. I admire you so much for stepping away though. ♥
Bloody Jack Flint: Jack Sparrow Hushrhye on May 30th, 2011 06:57 am (UTC)
I don't feel comfortable sending this to the mods even though I am no longer a member, sadly (I still fear reprisals-- specifically that they will ban me from ever returning, which I can't rule out. The next year will be very new and different for me and I don't want to rule anything out, as I may find myself very lonely), but I hear that the link is getting around so I think it's only a matter of time before they discover it? That's my hope, anyway.
Anasparkle_fingers on May 30th, 2011 02:29 am (UTC)

gryffindor misses you lots, bb ♥
Bloody Jack Flint: Freddie Shy Hushrhye on May 30th, 2011 06:58 am (UTC)
I miss you as well! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on this post. It means a lot to me to see a show of support ♥
serendipity513serendipity513 on May 30th, 2011 02:38 am (UTC)
I'm in such whole-hearted agreement with this post. Like I want to hug you right now for taking the time to put together, in eloquent and well thought out words, what many of us are internally feeling. I think this is something that should probably be shown to the main mods in some way because it's against the community's long term interest to ignore these complaints. I know many many people who have these same complaints and it's driving them from the comm.

My personal thoughts are as follows:

From the WB issue to the approval needed for everything, it makes me feel like a elementary school student raising my hand to ask if I can go get a drink of water. I feel very untrusted as a mod and as a member in general. I've been a mod elsewhere and I completely understand the need for rules, and I totally get that people can be frustratingly thick sometimes or blatantly disregard obviously stated rules. But that's not really justification to be so closed off to change or so untrusting of your mods. Especially if the change is desired by many members of the community as a whole and is completely logical and reasonable in its proposed execution.

I couldn't agree more about the mods becoming computers thing. I had that exact same thought recently myself. Like all I can do is the grunt work and nothing else. Since I can't make the changes we were elected to do, I've become nothing more than a number cruncher and a prompt producer. I can't do anything to evolve the comm or to help people with their writing. It was really hard for me to understand why we were approved for the FoW activity by the mini-mods but then when we acted on that approval and submitted the actual activity to the System they wanted to make changes to it that boiled it down to being the exact same thing as the monthly challenges. The delayed issues with it just boggled my mind.

I also have huge issues with the main mods' new obsession with sanctioning people for things posted about HIH outside the comm. That feels like such a ridiculous abuse of power to me.

Miss ya, and hope you are doing well! :)
Bloody Jack Flint: James May: Collanderrhye on May 30th, 2011 07:02 am (UTC)
Thanks so much. I hope I didn't leave you with too much work at WB. That was a major concern of mine in deciding to leave, but you seemed like you were handling it well. I did start compiling a single post with all the URLs and titles of challenges in WB, and I can send that to you if you want to take charge of that. It was basically a follow-up to c_hrista's idea of having a master post like what sugarquill has as opposed to having to search the tags. Let me know if you need anything else from me; I still feel responsible to the community.

I appreciate your comment. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts as well.
Heatherlovestyle on May 30th, 2011 06:03 am (UTC)
I stay in HiH for my friends, but really, there is a reason I haven't participated in very much in the past... year +. The community needs to evolve. It needs new ideas to stay fresh, current, and appealing. You've hit so many awesome points with this post; I'm so happy to see it here and put so eloquently. I don't have much more to add; I just think it's important for those of us who agree to kind of "sign" this post in a way, to let the head mods know just how many of us are vying for a change. <3
Bloody Jack Flint: The Who Hushrhye on May 30th, 2011 07:04 am (UTC)
Thanks for leaving your input. I kind of agree that comments mean that the post has a hope of being taken more seriously, especially if they come from all four houses (a goal it hasn't met yet, but I'm hopeful). Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!
jessilestrange on May 30th, 2011 06:29 am (UTC)
Very nicely handled bb, icu keepin' it classy.

I agree with your reasons for wanting to leave. And it's true, the head mods are fundamentally opposed to change. It's more to do with the fact that their vision of HiH is different from our's which is what stops change from happening I think. Along with a growing lack of interest and frustration at the drama, that was one of my reasons for leaving.

Also, belated congratulations on your pregnancy! ♥
DhP, Mmailliw Nosreyemmmailliw on May 30th, 2011 06:37 am (UTC)
And I was secretly hoping it was to give me another chance to steal you!
(no subject) - jessilestrange on May 30th, 2011 06:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rhye on May 30th, 2011 07:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jessilestrange on May 30th, 2011 07:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rhye on May 30th, 2011 08:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
Lena: buffy: comic buffyledbylove on May 30th, 2011 06:35 am (UTC)
Completely agree with all of that. I think a lot of people share your frustrations with the way HIH is run. Gryffindor misses you so much, but I understand your reasons for leaving.
Bloody Jack Flint: Obi-Wan Hushrhye on May 30th, 2011 07:11 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for the comment! I miss Gryffindor so so much it's been difficult, but I feel good being able to post things like this without fear. Your support is appreciated.
(no subject) - ledbylove on June 1st, 2011 02:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Bloody Jack Flint: Ferris Wheelrhye on May 30th, 2011 09:02 am (UTC)
Aww thank you. Yeah part of the reason I posted this is that there were a lot of people angry about 'what happened' to me and there was a lot of speculation about what had occurred, and I thought this way I just bring all those people up to speed with me so that there aren't rumors or misinformation. Even the Gryffindor prefects did not have the situation explained to them and had to hear about it second-hand from mutual friends, and still weren't quite sure what had happened. Some people thought my punishment was this, other people said it was that (lol, in reality they were all right-- it was all three punishments that people were speculating about). Some people thought it was because of this, other people thought it was because of that, and this way at least we're all on the same page regarding everything that happened, at least to the best of my own knowledge (though I have to confess I wonder if there's a part of the puzzle I am missing because the mods e-mailed me about my 'attitude in the community' and I can't really understand what specifically they were referring to, so I assume it is items 7 & 8 because I have nothing else to go on).

Anyway, thanks so much for reading this post and commenting. It does mean a lot to me. I'm sorry if anything I did or that was done to me made HiH less fun for you or anyone else-- of course that was never my intention ♥

BTW I hate admitting this, but I totally peed myself again during Conan this week. I am going to have to start watching that show while sitting on the toilet, boo. It's dangerous to the pregnant bladder.
¡jay!: F1 | Seb & Jaime : with you nowchispas on May 30th, 2011 11:44 am (UTC)
Echoing what Pookie said insofar as that I am still so sorry for the shit we caused way back when. I'm just glad we managed to push past it, and I hope that, even if you don't come back, you'll always remember Gryffindor fondly. You don't get nearly enough appreciation for everything you do. In my experience, you're the only one I really saw doing anything - perhaps that's just because my view is limited, in that I am a Gryffindor and you were my prefect, and that have only been part of HiH for just over a year. I don't know. What I do know is that you (and Alexwhore) set the bar, in my eyes, for what makes a good Prefect, regardless of the fact we had some hiccups along the way. Even three terms or so later, you're still the example I have in my mind when I need direction with what to do whilst Prefecting.

It took such grit to speak so openly and honestly about all the above and I think my respect for you just keeps growing. I agree with so much of what you've said that I don't even know where to begin. I think your points are perfectly valid and well thought-out, and you are most certainly not alone in thinking any of what you wrote: there are people from each of the four Houses that I've talked to, who all think the same thing. I just wanted you to know that - you're not standing alone.

I have many issues with HiH, but you've touched on at least half of them. I'm too afraid of repercussions, so I won't say anything else, but thank you - you've said what needed to be said, and you've said it in such a classy, respectful way.

Bloody Jack Flint: Aragorn B&W Hushrhye on May 30th, 2011 08:39 pm (UTC)
Jay, thanks so much for your response. It means a lot to me ♥
sas the investigative hedgehogtheaeblackthorn on May 30th, 2011 02:12 pm (UTC)

I have never had it in for you, but all we've ever tried to do in HiH is create a safe environment for everyone to play in. If that means that some officials can't have as many freedoms as they feel they deserve, then I'm sorry. We've only ever asked that official's be people we can trust to do the right thing and respect all members of the community, other official's included. We've never held our members to the same standard, and of course being an official is entirely optional. I thank you for the time and effort you've put into the community over the years and hope you remember you're always welcome into HiH as a member where the rules are nothing like those of an official, simply respecting other members.

I hope wherever you end up you find a nice community to be a part of where you don't get personally attacked for trying to do the right thing.

The main mods have to take the time to listen to the quiet voices, not simply those who shout loudest.

- sas x
Bloody Jack Flint: Artoo & Threepio Hushrhye on May 30th, 2011 09:19 pm (UTC)
Sas, thanks for reading this post and responding. It does meant a lot to me. I do have a question about something you said in this response: you're always welcome into HiH as a member. Does this mean I am not welcomed back as an official? Or perhaps you are simply suggesting that I would prefer the 'freedom' of not being an official? I can't lie, that does sound lovely right now. I just want to clarify what you are saying in your comment. Also, does "rule 14" extend to Flourish shop owners and club owners? I'm asking because if it was the fact that I was an official that made this fight with awry such a big deal, I'm surprised I was stripped of my shop and not of my official position.

That being said, I'm not sure I have any desire to be an official. I think that most (if not all) sub-comm moderators, when taking over or even running for a community, have excellent ideas that need the space to be tested. Sure, not all ideas will work out, but you learn as much from which ones fail as you learn from which ones succeed. I respect that the mod team is concerned for the well-being of the entire community and probably there are potential ideas that could backfire, but I have not seen many sub-comm ideas that have backfired horribly.

Also, I really do mean it when I appreciate your comment. I'm glad to know that there are no personal issues between us, because I do respect you and have always looked up to you, and the hostility I perceived coming from the mods on occasion really did hurt my feelings as well as my desire to be a cooperative member of the community. I'm both embarrassed and relieved to know that this was something I was simply perceiving that didn't necessarily exist. That assurance alone is, I think, something I needed to be able to even think about re-entering the community.

Thanks again for commenting. You've given me a lot to think about!
(no subject) - theaeblackthorn on May 31st, 2011 03:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Dora Solodorasolo on May 30th, 2011 05:11 pm (UTC)
:( I "came back" for you :(

But, I think it's fair to point out a few things: Jess, you get defensive easily. You speak before you think. You have an innate sense of right and wrong and you get very offended when you are "wronged." In essence, you are a Gryffindor.

People don't often think like this, and if they do, not often to the extent that you do. Your boldness and loyalty to your friends and to your ideas are admirable to me, but to people who don't think this way, you are stubborn, opinionated, and unwilling to compromise. I'm not criticizing -- I am this way too, and I am repeating some comments I've had recently about myself to some degree that I'm almost ashamed to admit (it's so much easier to dish out advice than to take it).

I am bothered by the last comment that you can't return to HiH as anything other than being a member -- I think that's up to the community to decide, IF you run for a position, or are you permanently banned from being an official? I know how seriously you took your jobs at HiH, more seriously than most, because you treated them like a job (re: you're ALLOWED a certain amount of wank and bitching, IMO, via whatever mechanism you see fit -- when did the days of locked posts bitching about HiH get completely overlooked??) I'd be sad to note that you can't do anything "official" if you legitimately wanted to and ran for it and got elected fairly. That seems unduly unfair and a retroactive punishment for no reason. JUST MY OPINION, and my opinion doesn't count for much because I don't do anything in HiH (my heyday was long ago).

TL;DR rambles. I hope you're ok. Let me know if you need an ear.
Bloody Jack Flint: The Who Hushrhye on May 30th, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC)
I can't disagree with anything you've said here. I particularly respect this comment for points out to me how my Gryffindor-ness may come across to others. It's hard to know when and where to compromise. Sometimes it feels as if you are letting down your ideas or yourself when you compromise, you know? Clearly this is a skill I need to work on a bit.
Beckybeckella on May 30th, 2011 07:05 pm (UTC)
I've read through this twice and I've been sitting here for a bit, debating between commenting or not. And my Gryffindor-ness is coming through and I feel like I should say something.

I can say, without hesitation or any doubt in my mind, that the mods have NEVER had it in for you. I was a mod, so I know how discussions about drama and issues are handled. And never has anyone gone after you more harshly than they would have anyone else.

It's also far to point out that there are hundreds of HiH members and only five main mods; there are only so many hours in the day and it's hard to make sure that everyone feels heard and that everything runs smoothly. Sometimes, there's only so much we were able to do. But it was never personal. There were times when it very easily could have been, when certain people (not you) were creating massive drama for the community, but things were always handled in the same manner.

It may not seem like it to someone who isn't a mod, but perception doesn't equal reality and intent does not equal impact. Though our intent was clearly not to "have it in" for you, that doesn't change the fact that it had that impact. And that sucks.

That said, however, I also don't think it's fair to say that the mods are opposed to change. On the contrary, lots of time and energy is spent on looking at how things are run and working to make sure that things that need to be changed get changed. It may not happen as fast as people want, but it isn't as if there's opposition to change per se.

And I close with this: we've been friends for quite a few years now, both in HiH and in real life, and I'm a Gryffindor, too. But I was also a mod. And my Gryffindor sense of fairness means that I felt like I had to say something, because I value your friendship, but also because I was a mod.
Bloody Jack Flint: RemusxSirius: Sticking With Yourhye on May 30th, 2011 09:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for this comment, it does mean a lot to me that you feel you could speak openly with me. I do agree with everything you said here, especially in light of Sas's comment. I accept that no ill intent was ever meant specifically towards me from the mods (and as I said above, it's both embarrassing to admit that it was in my head, and quite a relief to know it was in my head). As you said, it "sucks" that I perceived things that way, even if that wasn't how they were meant. It really does make me feel better to know that I was in no way singled out by the mods, because on occasion I definitely felt that way.

I also appreciate your views from 'inside the mods' about change and fairness and how these ideas translate into daily mod work that can't happen quickly. I do appreciate that, but it's also part of why I feel that sub-community moderators should be trusted with more responsibility, because that frees the main mods to deal with things of more importance than 'how long people can write for for ten points in writersblock for a one-time activity', which really seems to me like such a small issue that it was simply a waste of the mods' time to have a two week discussion about it. That being said, I also appreciate how I made that discussion/decision harder and more time-consuming for the mods by fighting compromise.