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07 October 2007 @ 12:11 am
Brokeback Canon Post  
Fandom: BBM
Summary: Ten canon one-shots, spanning all segments of time, but mostly angsty. Dead!Jack herein. Some of these were written for trascendenza's Vocabulary Soup Challenges. Others for no reason. I'll put them in chronological order so you can always bow out before the inevitable happens. Most are drabble-length.
AN: Unbeta'd. This is for the person who assured me it was ok to post canon, though I have been reticent in recent months (One of these is for you, but I'm sure you'll know which one.)
Rating: R


The Lord's Prayer

Every Sunday in church, the same thing. They bowed their heads and closed their eyes, still as death. Ennis could hear himself breathing. He never sneaked a peak, sure that someone was watching, waiting for bad children to open their eyes or unfold their hands and not wanting to receive his daddy's belt for something that meant so little-- or not at all, really.

"Our Father..." He knew that it sounded best-- most like everyone else-- when you made your mouth real wide on the first word.

"Who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name." Ennis paid real close attention to make sure he didn't get ahead or behind. Mrs. Martin always said it loud and slow and everyone could hear her. Didn't want to be like that.

"Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." That sounded kind of pretty, Ennis always thought, though he didn't know what it meant. His hands started to clam up and he tried his hardest not to wiggle his legs as they hung off the pew.

"And give us this day our daily bread." Sooner rather than later, please, sir. He added it silently because breakfast hadn't been much and church went long. His belly'd been aching for lunch nearly the moment his oatmeal bowl'd been dropped in the sink.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Ennis didn't trespass but that once when him and K.E.'d gone over to Rich and Earl's and stole their goat. K.E.'s friend dared them and it'd made Ennis feel so grown-up to go along with K.E. When they'd been caught, he'd been expecting to be whooped within a inch of his life, but neither switch nor belt ever landed.

"Lead us not into temptation." Didn't understand that one. Ennis didn't have anything at hand to be tempted into, far as he could tell.

"And deliver us from evil." In the night, when there wasn't a light on and the dogs got to barking out in the yard, sometimes Ennis felt he knew what evil was: the heavy feeling that made you feel like you were sinking into your bed, that made you cover your eyes and repeat this prayer again, real fast, 'cause you could just feel something bad coming, fast on your heels.

"For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, now and forever. Amen." The last, said in such haste, lost its sense of language to Ennis. It was a race for him to get to the end with everyone else who'd known the words longer. Didn't want to get left behind.

"Forever. Amen." Mrs. Martin.

All eyes opened, heads unbowed as a chorus of corpses returning from their graves. Ennis blinked his eyes quickly, blurry as they were from being closed too long, pinned to a darkness he didn't understand.

Didn't know why they did it, but that was what they did: pretended to be chanting sleepers, waking dead, for a minute every Sunday while they tried to reach God.


Make You Happy

It's when you sleep I feel the best about this thing. That's when your worry lines fade into the night and cool wind and you look genuinely happy about what we're doing here. At those times I'm sure it brings you joy, makes you happy, and that fills me with some emotion that's so strong I'm sure it don't got a name, just a need to sigh and laugh and giggle and kiss and fuck. Do I make you happy, Ennis, when you're not lookin'? Nevermind-- I know.


Transmogrify

Around the time Jack became a part of your life, Jack with his swagger, his smile, his big talk and big play, you think about getting up on him and into the control zone. Maybe you don't want to be depending on the meekness of Alma, sweet little thing, when you can have this rugged strength-- but the men of the past are there too, jutting out before you when your guard is down, balanced in your mind. You think on it so much that it takes on a cartoon-largeness; the lurid colors of blood are clear to you. The scene gives your dreams an uncanny flavor of horror. Those men, their love was the kind that can be used to draw tire irons. When you sleep alone without him, up in the pup tent, it's all you can think on-- him, and them, and the impossibilities of the situation. You wake sometimes in grief, sometimes with the new sense of joy and release; the pillow sometimes wet, sometimes the bedroll. You think it's a state of being you best get used to, learn to stand for a little while. In a month when you both come down, the torture will be over.


As He Called His Daughter

Alma smiled up at him. "What do you want to name her, Ennis? I was thinkin' maybe Charlotte like your momma."

Ennis smiled deep and clean. "Umn. Nuh, I... I think Alma. Like her momma. Alma Junior."

Ennis was rewarded be a blush and gleam on Alma's cheeks, her eyes coming to life before his. "Oh, Ennis."

He stepped close, hesitant of the fragility of human life compared to the calves he delivered on a regular basis. The midwife smiled like she knew what he was thinking. He laid a kiss on Alma's forehead. "You done real good, Alma. Real good." He ran a thumb up the side of her face and let the women be to clean up from what was left after birthing.

Ennis stomped out to his front stood and lit a cigarette, thinking on the midwife and all the fathers and mothers she must see in her line of work. Had he acted the part alright? Had he been just like they would be? Surely the Alma Junior bit was a help, must be.

No way the midwife would have known that Ennis was thinking on how much he wished Jack could be here to see his newborn baby girl. Ennis's hand shook as he brought his cigarette to his lips. He looked up to the clouds, wondered if Jack was out there somewhere with a baby of his own. Ennis hoped so, 'cause it made him feel happy like nothing else, and he wanted that for Jack so bad.


No Way

Fathers, grandfathers, generations... Couldn't be for this thing. Wasn't right. A man was meant to make babies with a woman, meant to start something to go on forever. This thing with Jack might feel like forever, but it was barren. Ennis didn't even feel his fist crash into the scratching asbestos siding, an exposed nail catching his skin and tearing. He was already at his threshold for pain-- no way it could get worse, but no way to get better either.


All He Could Do

He swung a leg off the couch, beer bouncing on his belly.

"Ennis." Alma's voice was heavy with frustration, but he hadn't heard a word she'd said in at least a year. Not really heard, anyway.

"We're goin' to the county fair. You sure you don't want to come?"

He squinted over at her, trying to make her out from the dimness of the doorway. "Uh, no," he grunted, barely above a whisper.

"Alright." She made the one small word sound angry, but he didn't mind the emotion, listening instead for the sound of the door closing.

He waited several minutes past that, pretending to be intent on the T.V. even though no one was here to scrutinize him. Face pinched, caved in with his will to the power of temptation, he balanced the beer on the coffee table and unzipped his fly. Been waiting all damn day for Alma to make good on her threat to leave him home alone so's he could spend his time his way. It was all he could do, and it was over in three minutes.

Ennis drained his beer and stood to clean himself up and get another.


Read My Mind

I worked for it so hard, so long, and at the end you pulled loose, broke free. I was working on it, Jack. You were supposed to know that. I had some fight in me, some place to go from where I was, and all I needed was a little faith. But there was you and your fuckin' ranch neighbor and your fuckin' dick thinking for you again-- what I was always afraid of in the first place-- and you're gone. You think I was going nowhere, but nowhere was where I been forever and I was thinking maybe you and I--

Well, doesn't matter no more. Jack fuckin' Twist.


A Torment

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~William Penn

The green pastures stretched up into oblivion, always a higher one, a new place to move the sheep. In Ennis's dreams there was no sky, only grass, getting greener and greener as he thought it should be turning blue.

Then this spring he's got another fella's goin' a come up here with him and build a place, help run the ranch, some ranch neighbor a his from down in Texas. He's goin' a split up with his wife and come back here.

The words seems to rain down with the crash of lightning and thunder from the non-existent sky. All Ennis could find was grass and mud, no air, no air, and he was drowning. That was when Jack'd turn up, looking like he did that last day, dead eyes, not helping Ennis up. Jack left Ennis to drown face-down in the high green pastures of Brokeback Mountain.


Unfaithful

He never understood it until years later. Her name was Helen. She was his age and a widow, so they had something in common, though of course she would never know it. She was a hairdresser, and real pretty, a blond with a short cut, thin. She was patient when he needed patience and forceful when he needed pushing. Once, she took whiskey from the bottle with him, and he pinned her to the mattress in under ten minutes, took her hard and from the front, 'cause that was what she liked best, and he cared.

One of the most shameful things he done in his life, though: when he came he was crying, and he kicked her out not ten minutes later. Even if it was pussy and tits and blond and widow he was fucking, it wasn't. It'd been the smell of whiskey on her breath and nothing else.

He understood that man or woman didn't matter. A lot of years, he'd been unfaithful.

Was a long, cold time he only had his hand for company after that, but at least there weren't any illusions in the scent of a woman or the feel of her from behind.


Unremitting

They pulled it out as far as it could go, right up to the breaking point, incredulous that it had one, finding it after all. Past the end of their endless tryst, the tension broke, the binding snapped, broke back on them, brought them both to the loneliness of their youth.

The wind-scoured flats were unremitting to each in their own way. For Jack, they beat his cross with dust, erased the name, until it was as if he'd never been. For Ennis, the wind against the horse trailer made for him a sudden grave, dead horses, at a single curve.
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Current Location: St. Paul, MN
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Daphne Descends
 
 
 
eandjeandj on October 7th, 2007 06:39 am (UTC)
Oh my god
how beautiful was this
heart-breaking and true
Thank you
Paula
Bloody Jack Flint: Ennis Reunion Hushrhye on October 7th, 2007 06:44 am (UTC)
(((MAJOR HUGS))) I haven't been posting canon because I usually get so few readers and so little feedback that it makes me feel highly inadequate at writing it. But I have been writing it... So thank you times a million for the comment.
eandjeandj on October 7th, 2007 12:31 pm (UTC)
Don´t you dare believe your writing is inadequate. It´s marvelous and I´m reading all of it. I´m not always commenting because my comments are inadequate because of the foreign language and I don´t want to write only: very good or I love it.
Paula
Bloody Jack Flintrhye on October 23rd, 2007 04:44 am (UTC)
*blush* Oh lord. I just wish I could see it how all of you see it, maybe. Thank you, though, for trying to make me feel better.
bmshirts: pic#63217028bmshirts on October 7th, 2007 06:53 am (UTC)
Bokeback Canon Post
Hi. I've just finished these 10 one-shots. Simply marvelous! I love the chronolgical order.
While I normally hate DeadJack (Jack/Jake fan here), this is so well done I couldn't resist. More please. Thanks. carole
Bloody Jack Flintrhye on October 23rd, 2007 04:45 am (UTC)
Re: Bokeback Canon Post
Oh, thank you. I have plenty more canon cooking and under the warming light, but I just feel so weird about posting it just now. Thank you, though!!
dontwanttosaygbdontwanttosaygb on October 7th, 2007 06:57 am (UTC)
Oh my, very, very moving. Thanks for these Jess, they really are what I like to read.

This was really lovely and said alot, I think as you say, that maybe the contentment only showed in his face as he slept, people's masks are supposed to come off when they sleep.

At those times I'm sure it brings you joy, makes you happy, and that fills me with some emotion that's so strong I'm sure it don't got a name

I really liked the take on Ennis thinking about Jack when his daugher was born. I have always wondered what he was thinking, AP, implies in the OS that he was definitely thinking about Jack, at least in the jack-off way but what else was going through his mind, was he ever contemplating what had happened, what it meant emotionally to him. I like you take that it did in a way, that he wanted Jack to be happy, but unfortunately he never seemed to come to the conclusion that the one thing that would be Jack ultimate happiness was Ennis himself.

And I love your take in Read My Mind, this is alot what I have also always believed, that May was a turning point that I think Ennis was really thinking hard after that, did he have it in him to make a go of something with Jack, that I don't know, but I think he was a least nudged a bit to ask the question which I think is just as important. Could you break my heart anymore that with these words -

I was working on it, Jack. You were supposed to know that. I had some fight in me, some place to go from where I was, and all I needed was a little faith.

And exactly how it ended -

Jack left Ennis to drown face-down in the high green pastures of Brokeback Mountain.

Thanks again for these. Cheers, Ted
Bloody Jack Flintrhye on October 23rd, 2007 04:45 am (UTC)
Thank you for the lovely words, Ted.
sweetjesweetje on October 7th, 2007 07:57 am (UTC)
I love everything you write, whether it's AUs or canon. You write so beautifully and clearly that I always enjoy your creations.

These drabbles were all wonderful. I like the way you describe the feelings of the person whose point of view you're representing. Your first one was really nice, perfect for a Sunday morning read.

Thank you for posting these. I really enjoyed them all. : )
Debra
Bloody Jack Flintrhye on October 23rd, 2007 04:46 am (UTC)
*blush* Thank you.
delmarsdolldelmarsdoll on October 7th, 2007 08:03 am (UTC)
I'm trying to think of something profound to say to match the profound sadness of the drabbles. But, alas, it's 3am and I can't find profound. Those were really good and moving; made me all sad. Now I'll go back to bed with a tear. Thanks, Keri
Bloody Jack Flintrhye on October 23rd, 2007 04:59 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you!
K: everything you touchanony_mouse19 on October 7th, 2007 09:08 am (UTC)
beautiful.they hurt nicely.
loved "make you happy" the most.
"a torment" is a killer.
thank you
-Kay
cot62 on October 7th, 2007 09:12 am (UTC)
..."Didn't know why they did it, but that was what they did: pretended to be chanting sleepers, waking dead, for a minute every Sunday while they tried to reach God."

I like your style.
Christine
June: Autumn rain leavesbig_heart_june on October 7th, 2007 12:00 pm (UTC)
Oh Jess! How can you feel inadequate at writing canon?? You write it beautifully with so much depth and caring, these drabbles blew me away. Totally.

Unfaithful is amazing and As He Called His Daughter is so touching and beautiful and Read My Mind and A Torment slayed me and they fucking hurt but are so so good.

You're so talented, thanks for sharing. :)
kmdlrdkmdlrd on October 7th, 2007 01:22 pm (UTC)
Can't believe you had doubts about whether to post these. They were beautifully written. Thank you for sharing (even though I am sad now - it was worth the read) - B
Waking Dreamsjacks_key on October 7th, 2007 02:20 pm (UTC)
Wonderful! They were all so well written.
samtyr: icon_jake by probodiesamtyr on October 7th, 2007 03:18 pm (UTC)
These were all wonderfully written. I especially liked the first one of young Ennis in church; it showed how a lot of his character was formed so early. I also liked the one where Junior was born, how his thoughts were focussed on Jack as much as they were on the here and now.

Thank you so much for sharing these.
Way2: Water Walking Jesus by __sele__way2 on October 7th, 2007 04:16 pm (UTC)
These are excellent and so in keeping with the feel of the original story. Thank you for posting them.
animas1 on October 7th, 2007 04:55 pm (UTC)
Emotionally riveting...
Emotionally riveting and incredibly insightful. I really liked the piece "No Way" that captured Ennis's attempt at conscious denial of what he and Jack had: "This thing with Jack might feel like forever, but it was barren." and the contrast with what he really knew inside was a great love but couldn't have and could only express suspended in pain: "Ennis didn't even feel... He was already at his threshold for pain-- no way it could get worse, but no way to get better either."
Thank you for sharing your talent,
Animas
camillarcamillar on October 7th, 2007 11:58 pm (UTC)
I really loved these! I love canon so much and you write it beautifully!
Camilla
Sid401ksid401k on October 8th, 2007 08:49 pm (UTC)
So sad... And so lovely...
The Lord’s Prayer - Poor little Ennis, struggling even then to fit in as expected. Not knowing exactly how to do it; no trust in his inner voices; rudderless...

Make You Happy - Now this is another interesting take. I never thought of Jack-on-Brokeback as being that introspective, but now I start to wonder; maybe he was... You make me think.

Transmogrify - In a month when you both come down, the torture will be over. Another one of Ennis' little trips on the river of denial. Yes, I can picture him as being just that caught up in his new relationship with Jack--and just that naive about how he'll be able to put it behind him when the summer's over.

As He Called His Daughter - More of Ennis' uncertainty about his fitting in. And yet, out of it comes that very unusual name: Alma Junior.

No Way - Another heartbreaker. And a concise, accurate description of most of Ennis' life: He was already at his threshold for pain–no way it could get worse, but no way to get better either.

All He Could Do - The title says it. And poor Alma stuck in this marriage and nothing she can do either.

Read My Mind - Sigh. But would Ennis really have been able to change anything? Or is this just more of his self-deception? I like the burst of anger at the end. Grief over a death so often includes that anger: how could they do this to me?!

A Torment - Jack left Ennis to drown face-down in the high green pastures of Brokeback Mountain. And so in Ennis' dreams, he finds himself reliving Jack's torment: Always looking and hoping and reaching for the sky, and always shoved back into the same old rut--with no helping hand.

Unfaithful - One more of Ennis' self-delusions shattered.

Unremitting - Ashes to ashes; dust to dust. And so endeth the tale of Jack Twist and Ennis del Mar.
lolitaray: Jake smilinglolitaray on October 10th, 2007 08:32 am (UTC)
The Lord's Prayer - So Ennis, always trying to do the right thing, trying to understand, some things just can't be understood, they can only be felt with the heart.

Makes You Happy - Okay, this is a one shot to just make me melt and giggle and feel warm and sad all over at the same time. I hope you know that. I think you know that.

Transmogrify - Ennis's thoughts of Jack, his strength, his masculinity are just so clear.
When you sleep alone without him, up in the pup tent, it's all you can think on-- him, and them, and the impossibilities of the situation. You wake sometimes in grief, sometimes with the new sense of joy and release; the pillow sometimes wet, sometimes the bedroll. This just made me feel, Ennis's thoughts are so clearly given, and it's an impossible dream.

As He Called His Daughter - Ahh so painful. Because once again, Ennis is just trying to please, and all he can think on though, is Jack, and making Jack happy. Excruciating.

No Way - Ennis's inner pain and frustration is so painful, so palpable, and I can understand his logic as well. He was already at his threshold for pain-- no way it could get worse, but no way to get better either. How powerful these words are.

All he could do - Aggh. Poor Ennis. Just the privacy for a couple of minutes to indulge in Jack and his innermost fantasies. *sigh*

Torment- My favorite. *g* Your descriptive technique is quite extraordinary. Ennis's dreams of the grass, of Jack, and of the drowning remained in my mind long after the rest of the words had gone.

Unfaithful - It'd been the smell of whiskey on her breath and nothing else. Heartbreaking. And even worse is the knowledge behind it, in what he has to put up with, to bear. Nothing compares to his other half.

Unremitting - This was harsh and stark and bare, and laid them how it was. The rubber band.

For Jack, they beat his cross with dust, erased the name, until it was as if he'd never been. For Ennis, the wind against the horse trailer made for him a sudden grave, dead horses, at a single curve.

How do you do this? Say so much, in just one line.